2003-07-27
Birthday Party
I want to be 6 again.
Just for the birthday party.
Yesterday I went to my friend's daughter's birthday party. Oh my gosh, if you haven't been to a six year old's birthday party in the past 27 years or so, find yourself someone with a 5 year old child and make friends.
Okay, I had birthday parties when I was a kid, but nothing like the extravaganza I attended yesterday.
Two words.
Bounce House.
Holy crap I NEED one of these. Look, look.
This is what it looks like inside when you're bouncing.
Lobsterchick would love this shit.
When you finish jumping around in the SARS trap known as the Bounce House and you exit, your center of gravity is all off. It's like being drunk without all the vomiting.
As if the Bounce House wasn't enough, there were 400 water balloons to throw. Followed by the game called "Who Can Pick Up The Most Balloon Scraps?" Kids will do fricking anything if you call it a game. HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS TO PLAY VACUUM MY HOUSE AND PICK UP THE DOG CRAP IN THE YARD? WHOEVER PICKS UP THE MOST TURDS GETS A SUPER DUPER SURPRISE!
I brought the karaoke machine. These kids didn't even need the CD in. Just hand them a microphone and they'll make up their own freaking songs. Not much interest in the karaoke machine, though, with that addictive Bounce House set up in the yard.
My friends rigged a pinata on a line that went from the tree to the porch in the front yard. Damn, some kids have anger issues. You should have seen these little girls bashing the hell out of this smiley face. I bet they were thinking "SCREW YOU BARNEY FOR ALL THE YEARS I WASTED WATCHING YOU ON TV! UP YOURS THE WIGGLES! BITE ME TELETUBBIES, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I EVER SAW IN YOU!"
Once they broke that baby open, they converged on the candy and toys like a pack of wild jackals on fresh kill. Some of these kids had pieces of gum in their mouths the size of a porterhouse steak.
And holy shit, did this kid clean up with the presents.
I want a birthday party! Can I have one? Huh? Can I? Huh?
joeparadox at 9:50 a.m.