2003-07-26
Clay O' The Day 10
I don't know how he does it, but Clay Aiken makes every song sound great with that fricking voice of his.
Here�s a perfect example. (Don�t go running away because you think this is going to be one of those diary entries where someone quotes LIKE TOTALLY KEWL LYRICS THAT RULE THE WORLD 4EVR. I promise to deliver snark.)
Clay�s first full length CD will be released sometime this fall, so management has him testing out this HORRIBLE song called "Invisible" on the American Idols concert tour to see how it will be received.
Are these asshats for real?
Of course people are going to love this piece of crap song. CLAY AIKEN IS SINGING IT.
I thought The Suits had focus groups for this kind of thing where they round up folks on the street who have never heard of Clay Aiken, have them listen to his music and then give them free CDs and tee shirts for their time. I guess it makes sense that the concert audience IS the focus group, because these are the fans who are going to buy the CD. Probably multiple copies, too.
But I digress..
Now, you would be hard pressed to find two more obsessed, I mean, dedicated Clay fans than Kelly and myself, but we both agree that this song is HOOEY. Thank goodness Clay had the good sense to add all the shirt grabbing and deep knee bending to his concert performance of it, or he would have had a fricking revolt on his hands. My Downy Ball is so smart. Me likey.
Despite the song�s mediocre melody, I find the song perpetually stuck in my head. And it might not even be due to the million gajillion kazillion times I watched the concert videos of it.
BUT THE LYRICS. OH MY GOD THESE LYRICS. THIS SONG MAY VERY WELL HAVE THE WORST LYRICS EVER WRITTEN.
This song is downright creepy. Check it out.
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Still in your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive
UM CAN YOU SAY STALKER?
And now, the chorus...
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invisible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am) - this part is all whispery special effects
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT? "I WOULD BE THE SMARTEST MAN?" WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? SINCE WHEN ARE VOYEURS SMART?
AND WHERE DO YOU STAND, BY THE WAY? APPARENTLY OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM WINDOW. I SMELL A RESTRAINING ORDER.
Is it possible for this song to get any weirder? Apparently so...
I called out your name
You don't hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps
Each move that you make
Wish I could be what goes through your mind
Wish you could touch me with the colors of your life
OKAY, THIS IS THE PART CLAY�S FANS DO NOT NEED TO HEAR. IT�S GONNA GIVE THEM IDEAS, MAN! NOT GOOD!
AND WHAT EXACTLY ARE THE COLORS OF YOUR LIFE? CAN THEY ACTUALLY TOUCH SOMEONE? DO COLORS HAVE ARMS AND HANDS FOR TOUCHING? CAN I SPECIFY WHICH PARTS I WANT TO TOUCH?
How about this bridge before the final chorus?
But you don't even see me
Even when I'm screaming
Baby, you don't hear me
I am nothing without you
Just a shadow passing through...
AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! THIS SOUNDS LIKE A SERIOUS PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDER.
BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID.
I can�t WAIT for this CD to be released!
joeparadox at 11:10 a.m.