2003-08-07
Rainy Days and Mondays
How is it I am the freak magnet? If there is an extremist unstable soul within 30 miles, they will find me, leech on to my leg and suck the sanity right out of my head. And if they don't find me, have faith, I'll just stumble upon their asses.
I read a diary entry once that said, "Does Stan Know Our Thoughts?" I was all, "Who the hell is Stan?" And then I realized the lil' fundamentalist tyke meant to write SATAN, but misspelled it. If you're gonna force your beliefs all up in everyone's face, at least use your spellchecker. The image of Lucifer as a stout little guy with a combover and pocket protector is now permanently etched in my brain.
A few years ago, my best friend Amy and I took a road trip to New York City to hang out with friends and do some shopping. We stayed in the village with Rebecca, the same weekend her sister came to visit from California with her friend Renee.
Now pay attention.
Renee. Pronounced ruh-nay, right?
WRONG.
Try rainy.
Oh no.
Oh yes.
Rainy. As in Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get me Down. That's how her name was pronounced. And. And.
Her sister's name was Stormy. It took every ounce of self restraint I could muster not to ask her if she had twin brothers named Partly and Cloudy.
This girl was gorgeous. Tall, blonde, perfect body. The epitome of beauty. We surely hoped to assert our superiority over her and prayed she would be dumber than rocks.
Rainy did NOT disappoint. She came up with the mother of all asshatisms that weekend.
Saturday night we returned to Rebecca's apartment and were turning in for the night. We were discussing the current fashion trends on the street, and Amy and I remarked that we saw quite a bit of 70s and 80s retro blending together. This is when I wet my pants.
Rainy said...
"You know what I think? The next fashion trend to COME BACK into style will be SOMETHING WE'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE."
Oh no.
Oh yes.
Something we've never seen before is going to come BACK.
My face was buried so deeply into my pillow on that green and white striped sofa bed I nearly passed out. Amy and I were kicking eachother until our legs were bruised.
I said, "Yeah, Rainy, I bet you're right. Did you ever consider writing for Cosmo or something?"
She didn't get it.
joeparadox at 5:28 p.m.