2003-10-31
He's Thuper, Thanks for Asking
I've always been the type of woman who attracts and hangs out with gay men, but I never thought that quality would apply to pet ownership.
I have a cat, who, in less tolerant households, would have been sent to live here
with him
a long time ago.
I didn't have concrete proof until this past weekend that Linus is the gayest cat on earth, next to Odin, but I'd always had a feeling that he was just a bit less heterosexual than his brother, Milo. I just know these things from experience.
Linus loves to be in the bathroom when I'm getting ready for my day. He watches me apply makeup and blow dry my hair. Sometimes it looks like he's thinking, "Girl, that eyeshadow does NOT go with that lip color. You're a FALL...go with it." I could swear he's Kevin Aucoin reincarnated.
Once when my best friend Amy was living with me, the back door to the house was left wide open. Milo and Ariel went strolling out to the driveway. Fortunately, they were both too friggin' lazy to explore the great outdoors any further. They just sat their asses on the pavement and checked out the world from a sedentary position. Amy returned home before I, and was settling on the sofa to watch television, when Linus began mewing and walking on her. He was, seemingly, trying to get her attention. She followed him into the kitchen and found the back door ajar and the two other cats smack dab in the middle of the driveway. Linus' timely warning that something was amiss is the number one reason Ariel and Milo didn't escape permanently. This story doesn't have anything to do with his gayness, but the next one does.
Last weekend, Linus spent the entire time hitting on Tony. He rubbed all over Tony's legs and face and sat in his lap whenever the opportunity presented itself. Usually when people come over, Linus hides in a bedroom and waits for them to leave before showing his sweet face. Not last weekend. Last weekend, his tail was ALL KINDS of up in the air and he was presenting his ass like a Thanksgiving turkey fresh from the oven. He was making these flirty mew sounds and frequently perched himself on a table or chair with his prissy little paws together as if to say, "I'm so pretty. You know you want me." It was embarrassing! I guess Linus isn't Tony's type, because Tony didn't go for it, even when Linus pulled out the Penthouse poses.
Gay cat. God, I love him.
joeparadox at 3:55 p.m.