2003-11-01
Fear of Flying?
Exactly one week from today, I'm getting on a plane for the first time in over three years. I'm nervous, but not terrified.
I'm not sure when it began, precisely, but I developed an irrational fear of flying that completely paralyzed me for several years. I did not travel to any destination that could not be reached by car.
My friends and family were exceptionally patient with me and tolerant of this fear, but I sensed that those who did not share in my terror could not fully comprehend this phobia. There are two contributing factors:
One is the fear of crashing. Not dying, crashing. After 9-11, I repeatedly imagined the plane descending into that field outside of Pittsburgh. It's not the impact with the earth that scares me, it's the thought of the previous several minutes that puts me into a cold sweat.
The second factor is the lack of control I feel when I fly. I am, by nature, a backseat driver. I am perfectly comfortable as a passenger, but I have a tendency to make "gentle suggestions" when someone else is driving. Amy insists that if she and I were contestants on the Amazing Race, we would definitely win because of my competitiveness and her navigational skills. Yeah. If I'm the driver, you'd better believe we'd win.
I understand the basic concept of how airplanes work, and I'm not at all freaked out by the idea of an object the size and weight of a 747 defying gravity and remaining airborne. What bothers me is that I can't see the "road", I can't see the pilot and I don't know what the hell they're doing up there in that cockpit. I want to be in there with them, hearing them explain to me every single minute detail of what the plane is doing at every given moment and why. I just want information. Is that too much to ask?
I want to be invited into the cockpit like little "Joey" in the Airplane movies!
"So, Danielle, have you ever seen a grown man naked?"
That would really put my mind at ease.
joeparadox at 9:10 a.m.