2003-11-04
Fall 2003
I never thought I�d say this, but I love to rake leaves. I love the feeling of satisfaction I get from watching my front lawn change from a blanket of sodden yellow back to crisp green by the efforts of my own arms and back. I love the way my muscles shake involuntarily after performing the same repetitive motion for a solid thirty minutes. I love to put my hand against my face and feel the heat of my cheek juxtaposed against the cool breeze of a fall day in Upstate New York. I love wearing gloves. I love a red, runny nose and the curvy piles of leaves that wait at the edge of the curb to be swept away. I love the tenacious leaves that dot the grass after the raking is complete.
I love to rake, too, because it gives me time to be inside my head without interruption or distraction. I pulled the rake and realized I�m not the best at anything, but I am good at a lot of things. I�m a great teacher, a good dancer, a fair singer and a decent writer. I�m a flutist, I can play a bit of guitar, I�m not a horrible artist, and I can shoot spit from under my tongue. I know how to cook, I�m naturally athletic and I speak French and a little German. I�m not an expert on any given subject, but I know a fair amount about many topics. I�ve always been interested in knowledge for knowledge�s sake, without any promise of external reward.
I love my career. Teaching is lucrative and rewarding, and I know I�m exceptional at what I do. However, there are so many things I dream of trying. I�ve always wanted to go to culinary school and be a personal chef. I�ve no interest in running a restaurant or a kitchen, but the idea of planning and preparing meals for an individual or family based on their desires and preferences intrigues me tremendously. I�ve entertained the idea of being a veterinarian and an embryologist. I've fancied the notion of a career as a professional organizer or personal assistant to a celebrity. I�ve researched certification programs for interior design and considered technical writing as a new profession. I�ve thought about being a movie critic, television critic and food critic. Children�s book author, grantwriter, dog walker, stand up comedian, nanny. Elementary school principal, book editor, potter, photographer, actor, cartoonist. I�d love to try them all.
People I know tell me that my �phases� are flighty and obsessive. They don�t fully comprehend that I�m not satisfied with a �status quo� life. I always want to know more, do more, achieve more. I tried settling. It didn�t suit me.
Tomorrow my lawn will be covered with crisp golden leaves again. Tomorrow, I�ll rake.
joeparadox at 4:43 p.m.