2003-12-15
Atlanta: Clay on Top
Atfuckinglanta.
These reports are in no particular order, but I'm getting them down as I'm inspired to write them.
Here's the first one.
Living in Buffalo, New York has made me one tough broad when it comes to weather. I brush my car off in the winter with my bare hands and I don�t even own a pair of boots. All of the buttons on my coats are missing, and the zipper on my black leather jacket doesn�t work.
But this tough Buffalo chick was almost beaten by the Atlanta rain. Waiting in line for the concert, Tony and I shared a pair of gloves. One gloved hand would hold the umbrella while the naked hand warmed up in a pocket. Our toes were numb from the cold, wet earth under our feet. Mine were especially cold in my shoe whore heels, which seemed to impress Lila tremendously. Like I�m going to see Clay in flats. As if.
The heat from several hundred bodies pressed together for a couple of hours was not sufficient to warm our extremities enough in preparation for the next leg of our journey. Tony suggested we walk over to the stage door and wait to see if we might catch a glimpse of Downy Ball close up and in the flesh. We knew exactly where to go, because we could see the door from the window of our hotel room that day.
As we walked, the rain started to come down harder and harder (and ooooh harder, baby, harder!) by the minute. We waited. And waited. And waited. Melissa and I broke into �Still the One,� complete with show choir choreography. We snubbed JC Chasez. I asked him to give me his Burberry scarf, but JC just ignored me. Tony asked, "When is NSync getting back together?" I don't think JC was amused, because he pretended not to hear that. He just went to his bus without a backward glance. Yes, I said BUS. Um, Clay travels in a black stretch limo. Neener neener.
Finally, one of the stage hands came out and said to Carlos, our friendly security guard, �Five minutes.� Five minutes! Waldo Clay would be in front of us in FIVE MINUTES! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!
Yeah, well, five minutes turned into about 20 and the rain was starting to get the best of me. After hearing rumors from Carlos that there was an alternate exit for celebs, hope was draining. I turned to Erin, Robin and Tony and said, �Okay, I�ve had enough. I�m ready to go.�
And that�s when Lila�s voice came to me like an angel from heaven.
�HERE HE COMES.�
Clayton Aiken came walking down the ramp, smiling his spectacular smile and radiating positive energy and genuine kindness. I couldn�t believe he was sick. We had already agreed that we would NOT ask him for autographs, since it was cold and pouring and we didn�t have any Vicks� Vapo Rub on hand for Erin to rub into his chest. It would not be wise to give that job to Melissa, since she would concentrate solely on the clipples, and that�s not going to help Clay get well, now, is it?
Everyone was shouting to him, and I heard Erin call, �LECHEROUS BROADS LOVE YOU, CLAY!� He responded, �I love you, too!�
Clay disappeared into his stretch limousine and we went running after him, waving frantically.
(As an aside, some people find it "ironical" that I can run through the wet, slick streets of Atlanta in heels without losing my balance or missing a step, but this morning I fell down the stairs in my own home while walking barefoot. I'm going to have a bruise the size of Texas on my ass.)
I wasn't in the limo, but I'm sure that Clay told the driver, "Please blow the horn, becos they're mah favorite fans."
The driver honked. We all fell into each other�s arms once more. It was the closest encounter any of us had experienced to date, and it happened while we were all together. The love in the air was palpable.
We returned to the hotel later that night, only to learn that Clay likes to be on top. On the top floor, that is. I can now say I've slept under Clay Aiken, and it felt goooooood.
Sitting on the bed in our hotel room, I peeled the cold, wet socks from my feet and pulled off my red sweater with purple tah tah tassels (thank you, Paula, for decorating me!). I was warming up again, but not because of the heat emanating from the vent. I was warmed by the smile of a sparkly eyed redhead from Raleigh and the sincere love I felt for the people in my midst.
I guess this Buffalo gal isn�t so tough after all.
joeparadox at 9:26 p.m.