2003-12-08
I Can't Come Up With a Title to Accurately Describe This Bullshit
What the FUCK?????
For those of you who don't know, I'm a huge fan of Marie Osmond (dolls excluded). I can prove it. Read this blog entry and you'll see.
Why, Marie, why? Why did you ruin your face that was aging so beautifully and make yourself look like one of your own fucking DOLLS?????
I am so violent over this travesty, there are no words.
Is it me or do her eyebrows remind you of the Seinfeld episode where Uncle Leo opens a package that's a bomb and his eyebrows are singed right off his face and Elaine draws them back on with a Sharpie? Marie's got that look of perpetual angry surprise now, and it's just all kinds of wrong.
The curly hair isn't helping, either. She had those gorgeous brunette tresses and now she looks like a bad life sized replica of a fifty year old Shirley Temple doll.
The worst part of it all is that she doesn't look YOUNGER, which, I'm assuming, was the goal of having her face butchered in the first place.
I'm so pissed at you, Marie, for doing this to your face. You were gorgeous and now you look like a fucking carny freak. I lost an iota of respect for you when you came out with the goddamned dolls, but I don't know if I can ever forgive you for this. I'm so ready to march my ass down to city hall and have "Marie" removed from my name, it's not even funny.
Please do something wonderful to make me forget that you ruined your countenance or I'm going to replace your name with "Claytina." That's not a threat. It's a promise.
Thanks, Tony for grabbing the Marie Osmond picture from hell for me, and for coming up with my new middle name, Claytina.
joeparadox at 5:10 p.m.